I was reading an artilce about people dying
of cancer. The Article was called Doorways of Support and Inspiration: Healing Mind, Body and Spirit Fire in the soul, Part
1 - A talk by Joan Boryensko, Ph.D. a quote from the article
"Often times we don't ask these big questions and life
goes on as usual. It is when the bottom falls out of our life and we get put face to face with the fact that we are mortal,
at least in these bodies, that those big questions of who am I, what really makes a difference to me, what is the most important
thing about being here, come up within our hearts."
It really made me think about living in this body of mine and
having it age. Often we are so busy living this life we do not have time to contemplate who we are and that we are mortal.
If you live in a Western society we are also so busy denying that we will die one day and leave this body that we never think
about it. When I start thinking about aging and dying I become sad. I know that is the major issue I have to find an answer
to at this time.
Fire in the soul, Part 2
A talk by Joan Boryensko, Ph.D.
Following is a quote from this
article: "Tibetan Buddhists prize negative emotions more than anything else. I often teach a form of Tibetan meditation called
Tonglen, which is a form of transforming negative energy into something that parts the clouds around your heart and reveals
the light that's always been within you. They say that there is so much energy in negative emotion, that it's great stuff.
"That's what fuels transformation. You don't try to deny negativity or push it under the rug. You work with it. It's energy.
It's wonderful. This in a certain sense is what happens in a good support group. People take the energy and transmute it into
helping others, looking for meaning and being more creative."
These are new ideas for me in a way. Yet within me an
awakening occurs of someone teaching me long ago to use the energy of my anger to transform my life. At that time in my life
I was going through a divorce and just had a new baby. I was starting back to school after 20 years. I was angry. I went to
the dump and broke bottles to devert the anger. I drowned other playing water polo. I also went back to school and by using
this energy I was able to be quite successful. I struggled with many of my classes and the new ideas at school but my anger
made me stuborn and allowed me to hang in there even if it was to show the teachers they were wrong. So I guess this is not
a completely new idea to me, the idea of using negative energy to create something positive.
I do have great sadness
about growing older and fear of dying. These thoughts contain great amounts of energy and I can transform this energy as it
is only energy. In the midst of all of this, I kept remembering a verse from the Vijnana Bhairava, a meditation manual in
the Shaivite tradition. The verse says that pure consciousness--the heart-stopping brilliance that composes the core of reality--is
especially close to us in moments of emotional intensity, even though those moments might seem like the very opposite of peaceful.
The text goes on to give examples: "When you're angry, or overjoyed, or at an impasse reflecting what to do, or running for
your life, find within that state the perfect condition of the primordial energy."
Here is an exercise to work with
1. Acknowledge the feeling. Say to yourself "I am sad or I am so angry, or I feel so upset right
now."you don't have to know exactly where it is coming from just acknowledge the pain of the feeling.
2. Don't act
on the feeling just focus on it and take a deep breath. Now just breath in and out and focus on your breathing.
Get grounded. See yourself as a large tree feel your roots planted deep into the ground. When we are feeling intense emotion
it is easy to leave our body. Seeing myself as a tree often I just feel my feet planted and roots growing from the ends of
4. Drop your attention to your heart. Place this intense feeling you are having in your heart. Breathe the
feeling in and out of your heart.
5. Explore this feeling in your heart. What does your body feel like does it feel
hard and rigid, prickly, does it hurt? Is there a color surrounding this feeling?
6. Let go of the reasons you feel
the way you do just hold the feeling. We all have a story of why we feel this way and this is not a process to analyze. it
is just exploring the feeling itself. Just explore the energy of the feeling until it disolves itself back into the root of
I dreamed I had a child, and even in the dream I saw that it was my life, and it was an idiot, and I ran
away. But it always crept into my lap again, clutched at my clothes. Until I thought, if I could kiss it, whatever in it was
my own, perhaps I could sleep. And I bent over its broken face, and it was horrible...but I kissed it. I think that one must
finally take one's life into one's arms...
Authur Miller - After the Fall: The Disabled & their Parents
Judi Singleton is in search of self healing join her here daily in her journey.